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Getting to know... Matt Staffier '05
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By Mark Sweeney
Face Times Staff Writer
Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters and Ed Bradley, The Face Times' Mark Sweeney catches up with the big names in the Class of 2005 and poses the questions others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Sweeney sits down with metropolitan maven Matt Staffier.
Mark Sweeney: Since your move to New York City, you have quickly established yourself as a preeminent bon vivant, regularly making the proverbial "scene" and generally enjoying life as a young urban professional. What are the best and worst parts about the big-city life?
Matt Staffier: That's a bit flattering, Mark - and you look nice today, by the way.
I do like the question. I think one of the best parts about living in the City is having gainful employment, despite the wilting national economy. It's particularly refreshing to see so many investment bankers out of work. For those of us who chose not to go that route, mainly by virtue of being woefully under-qualified and denied any interviews, we're now laughing all the way to the bank (that doesn't exist anymore), and paying the taxes to literally bail those people out - people who were better and smarter than us in college. I like to think I own them in some small way, and that's what America is all about, really. Hopefully I'll be able to put them through business school at some point as well, because everyone deserves a higher education.
I work for a big company now, which has been great. And the little things are what make all the sacrifices worthwhile; international travel, access to an administrative assistant, my own office and desk to "work" on - they make me feel like I'm accomplishing something in life. But what really gets to the heart of life in a great city like New York is how impersonal it is. To be surrounded by so many people at every moment and to hate all of them for no reason is refreshing. Usually you need a reason to treat other people badly, but that's not the case here.
In the same vein, since moving from Boston it's been a little difficult dealing with New York sports fans. That aside, I'd say the worst part about living in the City is that I rarely get the chance to pursue some of my life's former passions: such as reading, exercise, conversation, lawn sports and intelligent thought. The meals are a lot better though. So is the subway access.
Mark: So many celebrities reside in New York City. If you could sit down and have drinks with any three celebrities, who would they be, and why?
Matt: It's not a simple question, as I've been fortunate enough to have drinks with quite a few since relocating here - Kirsten Dunst, Owen Wilson, Crispin Glover, Tina Fey, Ricky Martin (before his recent announcements), and Chara to name a few. I could give you a rundown of the best and the worst, but I'm actually late for a lunch with Donald Sutherland, so I have to be brief.
One celebrity I've yet to meet but would definitely like to catch up with is Jason Stratham - the popular British action star. So many questions to ask, and so many feelings left unsaid. Anyone who's starred in three Transporter movies and two films in the Crank series earns a special place in my heart. These movies, I truly believe, are important and will stand the test of time, and I want to learn more about how he chose the scripts, studied the parts, and delivered such genius on the silver screen. Also, I think being seen in public with him would increase my chances of meeting someone special. It's so tough to meet people these days.
Mark: If you could adopt the life of any film character, who would you choose?
Matt: Interesting that you ask that, as I was recently compared to Archer: the sardonic secret agent who was reinvented recently through the popular FX series. I find the comparison accurate, except for the part about being a wealthy spy; I think it was mainly rooted in the fact I wear a suit most nights, people find me to be generally arrogant, insensitive and tasteless, and I often drink too much. That said, I do like to think I capture the best the character has to offer. Nobody likes a spy.
Mark: I'm sure you would agree that much like other sporting pursuits - such as golf, tennis, croquet, and bullfighting - pong is a game to be enjoyed throughout one's life. What lessons from playing pong have you been able to apply to your daily life?
Matt: There are many good lessons here. The first is that you can't save everything; not the homeless people you see everyday on the street, not the numbers you collected at whatever bar you were at the night before, and not a sufficient enough portion of your inflated salary to ensure a healthy future for the family unfortunate enough to be saddled with you 30 years from now. You need to pick your battles, and then win those battles.
Which brings to mind another important lesson: I think you'll find that as often as you win in life, you're just as likely to lose and drunkenly embarrass yourself in the process. For instance, why did I agree to do this interview? I have no idea. And two or three days from now, I'll need to erase the memory of this encounter and live as though it never happened. Pong taught me that. So did the Hanover Police, in many ways.
I still drink Canadian Hunter whiskey.
Mark: Our class reunion is coming up. How have you been physically, emotionally, and spiritually preparing yourself for the return to Hanover?
Matt: Daunting, it's true - let me respond to each in turn. Physically, I've been eating a lot of street meats to build up stomach resistance to whatever I'll be consuming daily at the Hop. Still, there's nothing really like a Billy Bob, and I'm sure my body will reject the first few attempts at ingesting one. To build back the right emotional state, I've been calling a bunch of female friends I used to keep in touch with, and then hanging up right as they answer so I can run in my bedroom and cry. It's working well; I feel like I never left.
Spiritually, I decline to comment; that stays between me and my guru, and we keep it in the ashram. I can say, though, it involves a lot of cutting and self-deprivation.
In some respects, I think I'm trying to look beyond it and turn instead toward my ten-year high school reunion. I've already reserved a date, a Porsche Carrera and two tickets to the Riviera for the same weekend. Let's catch up again afterward and I'll let you know how it goes.
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